I believe all birth mothers are special and selfless and so many go through life without being praised for choosing life for their babies. I hesitated sharing this letter because I am naturally a very private person, but I feel it is important to share my letter to Pamela for two reasons: to praise her for her selflessness and to encourage others to give praise to all birth mothers. So often in an adoption case, the birth mother is left without support and I am hopeful that this letter will reach more birth mother’s who need to be told that they are the ones who deserve the praise.
An open letter to Allie’s, birth mother…my sister, Pamela.
I have delayed writing you (six years to be exact) out of fear, pride and quite honestly no words can do justice to what I wanted to express to you. I’ll never forget sitting in the red booth in Long John Silver’s when you asked me to adopt Allie. I thought you were so brave and courageous. I choked back the tears because that moment was all about YOU. All about the sacrifice you were making for Allie. A sacrifice to ensure she would be given everything that was robbed from you in your life. I’ll never forget every thought and emotion that was flooding my mind in that moment, and I can only imagine what was going through yours.
I knew the moment you asked me to adopt Allie that she would be so loved. That she would be so talented and smart and beautiful. Despite all the uncertainties that existed throughout your pregnancy, I was certain of one thing…God was in control. God had taken a very uncertain situation and blessed us all in ways we couldn’t have imagined. I am still so amazed.
Honestly, I was not prepared for all the emotions I experienced when she was born on that cold, snowy January day. She was perfect in every imaginable way with her dark skin, coal black hair and black eyes. I remember looking at her and thinking she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She was so perfect and you took such good care of her throughout your pregnancy. I remember sobbing when the doctor’s first handed her to me. I sobbed because she was a miracle and because she was more perfect than I could have ever dreamed. But I was also sobbing because you chose life for Allie. I sobbed because you were the one who went through nine months of pregnancy, you were the one who delivered Allie in surgery and cried out in pain because the doctor had not administered enough medicine. I sobbed because I got to go home with Allie while you were at your home recovering from delivery. I sobbed because I knew that you weren’t prepared for the love you had for Allie, but you knew that life with mental illness and drug addiction was no life for her. Nothing could have prepared me for that day. It was magical and sad for me as I know it was for you.
I can’t tell you the number of nights I sat awake feeding Allie and crying because I was looking into the eyes of such an incredible baby and I knew you were in your bed experiencing separation and loneliness. I cried because I knew just how much you loved Allie, as any mother would, and I simply couldn’t imagine being as selfless as you. I’ve been given so much praise over the years for adopting Allie and for loving her so deeply, but the one that should be praised is YOU. You chose life for Allie. You sat aside your own desires of raising Allie to give her stability and a life of opportunity. You, Pamela, are to be praised. You are so selfless and I can never thank you enough for choosing me.
I promise to love her fiercely every day. I promise to support her and be patient with her. I promise to encourage her and be her biggest fan…just as I know you would, had you been given the opportunity. I promise that she will know and understand the FULL story. Her story and your story. I promise that as she gets older and better comprehends the full story, that she will admire you for your decision. That she will praise you and be so proud of you.
I’ll forever be indebted to you. Never forget the sacrifice you made for Allie. I love you PK!